KNIT YOUR OWN ZOMBIE

From your traditional living-dead moaners to the hard-partying Zombie Rock Star and deliciously evil Zombie Chef, each one of these creatures is easy to knit and hard to kill.

Best of all, every piece of every zombie is held together with Velcro strips and snap fasteners, so there are endless variations of Undead legions to discover. We've included some mashup pages to get you started (including a deadly Zen Yoga Zombie and a Mother of the Bride who would stop any groom dead in his tracks), but once you've got the hang of it, you'll find that making your own mashups is even more fun than knitting the originals.

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Real Zombie Attack: Katanda, Central Africa

60,000 B.C., Katanda, Central Africa

Recent archaeological expeditions discovered a cave that contained thirteen skulls on the banks of the Upper Semliki River, in Katanda, Central Africa. All had been crushed. Near them was a large pile of fossilized ash. Laboratory analysis determined the ash to be the remains of thirteen Homo sapiens.

On the wall of the cave is a painting of a human figure, hands raised in a threatening posture, eyes fixed in an evil gaze. Inside its gaping mouth is the body of another human. This find has not been accepted as a genuine zombie incident as one school of thought argues that the crushed skulls and burned bodies were a means of ghoul disposal, while the cave drawing serves as a warning.

Other academics demand some type of physical evidence, such as a trace of fossilized Solanum. Results are still pending. If Katanda's authenticity is confirmed, it raises the question of why there was such a large gap between this first outbreak and the one that followed.This also could refer to cannibalism in these times.

Drills of the dead: Maine prepares for zombie attack

Emergency officials in Maine have taken part in a training exercise in preparation for a zombie apocalypse. This comes just weeks after the federal government publicly denied the existence of zombies.

­Around 100 emergency responders from eight different counties participated in the event in the quiet city of Bangor.

The premise: an unknown virus originating from Jamaica has reached Maine, turning the infected into zombies. Once infected, the virus quickly spreads to the brain, and turns the host into a full-fledged zombie, who has only one thing on its mind: biting other people.

The officials were armed with two would-be vaccines – one to prevent the infection from reaching the brain, and one to bring the zombies back to life.

“We have identified in several states, particularly Texas, New York, Illinois outbreaks of these civil disturbances and biting,” one official said. “And in conjunction with that there are also widespread power outages.”

The event may have been a staged act, with locals playing zombies, but it gave emergency responders an opportunity to prepare for a real life epidemic.

“This gives us the opportunity to do something a little bit different, but it still has the same principles that would apply in a real situation,” Kathy Knight, director of the Northeastern Maine Regional Resource Center told the Bangor Daily News. Emergency workers "need to figure out what they need, how they’re going to respond and how they are going to share their resources to respond to the disaster. They need to know who to go to outside their community to find the resources they don’t have, so it’s a different twist.”

The training exercise comes just several weeks after the US Center for Disease Control publicly denied the existence of zombies.

Rumors of a “zombie apocalypse” have been on the rise after a series of disturbing incidents.

In Florida, police caught a naked man chewing on the face of another person. They eventually shot him dead after unsuccessfully trying to push him away from the victim.

In Maryland, an engineering student allegedly stabbed a man to death and ate his heart and brain.

In Canada, a porn actor was detained on charges that he had killed and dismembered his lover. He is alleged to have recorded a video of himself copulating with some of the body parts, and consuming others. He is also suspected of sending the limbs of the victim to the headquarters of political parties, as well as two schools in Vancouver.

Ultimate 'zombie' mind control: Myths and facts about weapons of the future

A speech by the Russian Defense Minister promising to modernize his army caused a firestorm in the Western media – which accused Russia of developing mind control weapons that turn people into zombies. The truth is more complex, but no less scary.

­“The development of weaponry based on new physics principles – direct-energy weapons, geophysical weapons, wave-energy weapons, genetic weapons, psychotronic weapons, and so on – is part of the state arms procurement program until 2020,” Minister Anatoliy Serdyukov reported to President-in-waiting Vladimir Putin during their latest meeting.

Some media focused on “psychotronic” weapons – wonder devices that use energy waves to control enemy behavior, effectively turning him into a “zombie.” Several papers went on to speculate that these would be used internally against political “dissidents.”

While rumors of Soviet, then Russian psychotronic weapons have surfaced repeatedly for decades, not one has been able to produce a working psychotronic gun, or even explain what mystery rays would allow its owner to control other people’s brains.

Although it involves reading into his words (and military officials the world over often either overstate or try to conceal their country’s military capabilities) it is more likely that the minister referred to something more akin to infrasonic weapons. These unleash sounds at a frequency lower than the human ear is able to detect, or cope with. Previous tests have revealed that these weapons can demoralize their targets, and even cause brain damage. On the other end of the scale, ultra high frequency noise also causes severe discomfort. Perhaps, Russia possesses militarized versions of the high-pitched Mosquito emitters that have been used in the UK to stop teenagers (who are better able to hear them than adults) from loitering in public.

More alarming is Serdyukov’s mention of genetic weapons. These are commonly understood as biological weapons modified in such a way that they would target, say one race, but not another. So far, it has been difficult to engineer viruses precisely enough that they would attack only the enemy but none of your own side. Furthermore, these weapons are banned by the international Biological Weapons Convention – to which Russia is a signatory – and developing them would earn Russia severe censure from the international community.

Direct-energy weapons – such as heat rays – are another innovation that have been long-advertised but has seen limited action. Heat rays, such as used in the US Active Denial System deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq, cause unbearable pain to the skin of the target, forcing them to run away, but are not intended to kill. They are often used for crowd control, but are cumbersome and take time to set up.

Meanwhile, lasers have been a weapon of choice for every military buff since at least Star Wars. While they are undoubtedly destructive, gathering enough energy to power one makes them hard to produce – rather than nifty hand guns, we are more likely to see giant missile interceptors. The cost of the technology remains prohibitive.

Perhaps the most terrifying category of potential weapons is geophysical – those that use the environment. For example, a charge detonated in a correct place could set off an earthquake or a tsunami, while chemicals released in the air can ground an enemy air fleet with a severe storm. It is unclear how far these technologies have advanced, but by their very nature, they are likely to unleash unbridled destruction.

So even without turning them into zombies, there are plenty enough new ways to disable or kill potential enemies. But bearing in mind their cost and impracticality, more likely than not, it is conventional rockets and bullets that will dominate the military conflicts in the next decade at least.

COPYRIGHT © The Real Zombie Apocalypse

Zombie Bullets: US ammo producers cash in on Zombie Apocalypse fears

A weapon against zombies is being sold across the US after a series of cannibal attacks shocked the country. The largest independent producer of bullets in the world says their Zombie Max ammunition is a response to the flesh-eating crimes.

Hornady Manufacturing Company, an American maker of ammunition and hand-loading components has decided to cash in on current zombie terror.

Zombie Bullets are designed for those who want to be ready and fully-equipped for what the company calls “a Zombie Apocalypse.”

Zombie fascination is also bouncing around the internet, recently becoming the third most-popular search term on Google. Conspiracies and expectation of the Zombie Apocalypse have even forced the US Center for Disease Control to address the American public and deny the threat.

But the move has obviously failed to calm the situation down.

Hornandy say their bullets are sure to kill for good.

“Be PREPARED – supply yourself for the Zombie Apocalypse with Zombie Max ammunition from Hornady! Loaded with PROVEN Z-Max bullets… MAKE DEAD PERMANENT!” – says the promotion on the company’s website.

Company spokesman Everett Deger told WWJ Newsradio 950: “We decided just to have some fun with a marketing plan that would allow us to create some ammunition designed for that … fictional world.”

He also added that Zombie Max and Z-Max bullets are Hornady’s most successful products.

But it’s not just weapons. Principles of theoretical defense against zombies are also proving popular in the US right now. A Zombie Apocalypse Survival Class is being offered in the city of Conover.  About a dozen people paid between $50 and $75 to take the first lesson Thursday night, WCNC.com reports.

"We focus on self-defense, firearms and how to handle apocalyptic situations. It could be anything from a nuclear bomb to a hurricane to an enemy invasion," says Jack Simons, Jr., the course creator.

He added that it is "Basically, a survival course with a zombie theme."

A recent outbreak of bizarre attacks triggered zombie conspiracies across the US. Some blame drugs, others believe it’s a psychiatric issue, but macabre zombie-style crimes have put the country on undead alert. 

Last week, a man in Miami attacked and ate the face of his victim – a homeless man, and was shot dead by police. The victim survived, but doctors are having a hard time piecing his face together. Then, an engineering student in Maryland allegedly stabbed a man to death and ate his heart and brain. In Canada, police are on the hunt for a porn actor who reportedly slaughtered, dismembered, sexually violated the body and then ate his victim.

The zombie paranoia inspired two young men in Miami to stage a prank:  video shot by an operator hiding in a parked car shows a young man wearing a blood-stained shirt. The“zombie” approaches passers-by with a roar and attacks them from behind. Vividly recalling recent bloody events in the city, most locals run away in a panic. The video quickly became an online hit.

COPYRIGHT © The Real Zombie Apocalypse 2013

Cannibal craze: China joins worldwide trend with face-chewing incident

Horrifying footage surfaced of an attempt by a bus driver in China to eat a woman’s face in the city of Wenzhou. This is only the latest in a string of bizarre cannibal crimes across the world.

­The Shanghai Daily reported that a bus driver known only as “Dong” ran into the middle of the road near a bus station in the Ouhai district of Wenzhou City, blocking the car of a female driver. The woman has been identified only as “Du”.

Dong then apparently attacked Du’s car, climbing onto the hood and banging violently on the windshield. As the terrified Du fled her vehicle, Dong reportedly wrestled her to the ground and in a bloody act of savagery began to eat her face off. 

Apparently, Dong had been drinking heavily at lunch.

Witnesses say they tried to subdue the man, but he was so “crazed” that intervention was impossible until the police arrived to apprehend him. Du was sent to a hospital where she will need plastic surgery to repair her nose and lip.

Please pass the anthropophagy…

­This is only the latest in a string of strange cannibal occurrences worldwide, including an incident last May, when Rudy Eugene ate a homeless man’s face off in Miami, earning him the title of “The Miami Cannibal”. Eugene growled at police as they approached, refusing to stop chewing on the 65 year old Ronald Poppo’s visage, and was eventually shot dead.

Authorities originally suggested that Eugene was under the influence of ‘bath salts’, a designer drug that is notorious for causing psychotic episodes, hallucinations, and extremely violent behavior. However, blood work discovered only marijuana in Eugene’s system.

The spate of cannibal attacks worldwide is difficult to explain; the only apparent common denominator between the stories has been the bizarre savagery of the crimes committed. Causes range from alcohol and marijuana to jilted lovers and ‘bath salts’.

Other gruesome instances include Alexander Kinyua, a 21-year-old Morgan State University student in Maryland who killed his roommate Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, dismembered him with a knife, and then proceeded to eat parts of his brain and all of his heart. Kinyua’s attack came the same week as Eugene’s.

Then there was the Canadian cannibal, Luka Rocco Magnotta, who was apprehended in Berlin after being on the run from Canadian authorities. Magnotta, a porn star, murdered his gay lover Jun Lin, and filmed himself eating parts of the body in a video he entitled “one lunatic, one ice pick”. After ingesting, he chopped up the body and mailed the pieces to various addresses in Canada, setting off an international manhunt.

So what could be causing these grisly attacks? Is copycat fever sweeping the globe after heavy coverage of the Miami incident? Or are these zombie-esque attacks just the latest rage?

Karen Hylen, the primary therapist at Summit Malibu Treatment Center in California, told the Huffington Post in an interview that modern day cannibalism can be addictive.

"People who have engaged in this act report feelings of euphoria or get a 'high' by performing the action to completion," she said. "These individuals have psychopathic tendencies and are generally not psychotic. They know exactly what they are doing."

Hylen says cannibalism starts as a fantasy that once lived out can prove addictive.

“The pleasure center of the brain becomes activated and large amounts of dopamine are released – similar to what happens when someone ingests a drug like cocaine."

COPYRIGHT © The Real Zombie Apocalypse 2013

‘Zombie apocalypse’ alert hits Montana's emergency warning system

An emergency warning about the “bodies of the dead rising from their graves and attacking the living” has been broadcast on Montana Television Network. The network stated that the Emergency Alert System was hacked, and that there was no emergency.

­The bogus warning was transmitted on KRTV during the Steve Wilkos Show on Monday.

After a standard emergency signal, the narrator read a short warning that “the bodies of the dead are rising from their graves and attacking the living” in several Montana counties.

“Do not attempt to approach or apprehend these bodies as they are considered extremely dangerous,” the warning added, calling on citizens to “follow the messages on screen that will be updated as information becomes available.”

The station quickly pulled the alert off air and apologized both on air and online.

“This message did not originate from KRTV, and there is no emergency,” the station said. “Our engineers are investigating to determine what happened and if it affected other media outlets.”he referred by box!

COPYRIGHT © The Real Zombie Apocalypse 2013